Disclaimer: I will discuss anxiety and a bit of trauma in this blog, I feel so sorry for anyone who has gone through any of these experiences. I am not a qualified therapist/counsellor, this is from personal experience and a desire to help others.
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Have you ever had any of these statements said against you?
“You’re too sensitive” “Why are you crying? It’s not even that bad.”
“You’re (insert situation) is nothing compared to mine, you can’t complain”
“Stop overreacting”
These are only examples. I feel for anyone who has been on the receiving end of these statements. You feel like you aren’t “allowed” to speak and that your situation doesn’t matter, so what do you do? You let your emotions build up, which is bad not only for your mental but also your physical health. Physical symptoms of ignored emotions can include immune disorders, headaches, etc., for example.
We also learn lots of clichés such as “buck up”, “take it on the chin”, and “grow a pair” that make us sound like we’ve “got it together” when, in truth, there is a storm underneath. Now, I will try to challenge your beliefs a bit here, please stay with me.
Here goes… *cracks knuckles*
I will start by discussing a buzzword/statement in the mental health field: “anxiety.” As much as this is very real (speaking from personal experience), I am proposing that we don’t use broad statements to describe something that is as unique as everyone’s fingerprint.
We all live such varied and unique lives, so emotions manifest differently in all of us; most are beyond words and “labels.” Your “anxiety” is very different from someone else’s and is for a completely unrelated reason. Two people can and do have entirely different experiences. One person is very extroverted when anxious to escape the noise of their mind. Others avoid human contact and go non-verbal to process their emotions in private. Both of these are valid.
If you, my fantastic reader, have gone through any form of trauma and abuse in your life where your feelings have been made to feel INvalid or worthless, firstly, I am sorry you went through any of these horrific experiences. Secondly, I understand why this is difficult for you. This blog is written to help you. Remember, your feelings matter; you are loved and worthy.
But because it is a buzzword, we’re all expected to know “Exactly how it feels.” Worse still, we are told (back to the cliché) to “get over it.” Here’s the kicker: I am proposing in this blog that we advocate and VALIDATE our Emotional Uniqueness.
I’ll repeat it: Emotional Uniqueness. As I said, I’d like you to please stay with me on this.
We’re all different. A couple of ways I deal with emotions are through music, working out and writing blogs like this. Being vulnerable here, this is becoming my therapy session! If it helps at least one person, then I am eternally grateful.
Emotional Uniqueness:
Your fingerprint is unique. Nowadays, we all have and use devices with fingerprint sensors. So, why don’t we treat emotions like fingerprints? Why don’t we validate our own emotional prints? Don’t worry—this isn’t complicated!
No matter how much you explain and vent your feelings to friends and loved ones, only YOU know what you’re feeling and why. So the key to validating our own and each other’s emotional uniqueness is simple: LISTENING (most important) and asking questions to UNDERSTAND before being understood. See images below:
Image LInk: Self-validation
(I am learning myself here!)
Image Link: Turning Invalidation into Empathy
With statements/questions such as these, we can all start to understand each other’s Emotional Uniqueness. The best part? Empathetic questions and understanding will strengthen relationships; we will appreciate and love each other more deeply. The BEST bit? We will realise that everyone lives a unique and varied life.
This has been the deepest (emotionally speaking) blog I have written. Have you been able to read this far? I salute you, and if this helps, please pass it on.
Your feelings matter; you are loved and worthy.
Thank you very much!!